Realizations and Reasons

So I have come to realize lately that there are certain realizations that I have in my daily life as a mom that I never even begun to grasp as a single woman. Additionally there are realizations as a second time mom in my thirties rather than twenties that I have had. So having had these epiphanies as they were I thought I might share one or two each week or so with you all....maybe you can relate or maybe it will help you with dealing with your realities. But with each realization I also will add a reason, not for the realization but for why being a mom is the best job I could've ever been hired for.

Realization #1

No matter how much bug spray you put on your kids the mosquitos will always get them in the one place you couldn't spray and you will always feel guilty about it so just accept the guilt and try to ease the itching as much as possible. And remember Meloderma.

Realization #2

No matter how much you warn your 11 year that their gonna get burned if they don't put on more sunscreen it will always take that first horrible sunburn ( that scarred her gorgeous shoulders) before she decides that she needs SPF 75 on before she goes out and exposes her lily white skin.

Reason #1

You will never hear "I love you" sound better than when your 2 year old says it clearly for the first time and smiles her beautiful crooked smile at you. That memory will get you through more frustration and teen age bull headedness than you ever thought possible.

Julie

Step Parent

Jeremy and I got into our upteenth millionth fight about Mikaela the other night and it got me wandering what the whole step parent side was like.

I don't think that it has ever dawned on me how difficult it must be to be a "step-parent." I mean just the name makes it sound difficult. "Step." I don't have any idea what it would be like to have to justify or think through each and every parenting decision just there is no question as to your intentions. It is often so trying for Jeremy to balance his time with Hannah ( his beautiful baby) and Mikaela, my amazing daughter. Jeremy more so than me has to be sure to balance his time with the two girls just so it is obvious to Mikaela and me that his love is equal for our girls.

The life of a step parent must be a constant high wire routine. Walking the fine line between parent and step-parent. If Jeremy over disciplines Mikaela it can be construed as cold and unfeeling because she is not "his." Whereas if he doesn't step into discipline she will feel she can walk all over him because " well he's not my real dad so what can he do." It must be extremely difficult for Jeremy considering Mikaela isn't the easiest child to get along with or understand at times.

I think about when we first met and I told him that I had an 8 year old. He did what I thought he would and he said ok no problem, if he only knew what that really entailed. Within the first few months he was helping me get ready for dance recitals and birthdays and school plays.....not exactly what a bachelor has in mind for weekend activities. But he stuck with it. He poured love upon her and it just made me love him that much more.

Although, Jeremy fell in love with me he always understood and welcomed the fact that I was a prepackaged deal with Mikaela. I know that he loves her with all his heart and if Mikaela had been the only child we had he would have been thrilled. Over the past four years I've watched them grow closer. Each day I see their love, respect, and understanding blossom between with. Having a loving wonderful husband has meant so much to me but having a loving wonderful father to my little girl has meant the world and more to me!!

What's the Hurry??!!

So I was out looking for a Halloween costume the other day with Mikaela and realized that my baby girl that dressed up like an angel the first Halloween is no more. 

She is becoming a woman and thanks to retailers and MTV it's happening a lot sooner than I ever thought it would.  It doesn't help that she has the body of a 16 year old but I didn't think that at 12 I would have to be so watchful of how adult the clothes she's wearing are.  Thanks to retailers like Abercrombie and Hollister, Mikaela doesn't want to wear jeans unless they adhere to her skin or shorts unless her butt is just covered. 

 I don't blame the retail stores completely.   I do agree that in the end only I can buy the clothes for her, but when that's what most of her classmates are wearing how long can I hold out.  Thanks to TV shows, even Nickelodeon and Disney, we have conversations about getting preganant and STDs again didn't think it would happen so soon.  Don't get me wrong having these conversations with her is OK with me because I'd rather she'd hear the correct answers from me then the answers her friends have, but why soo soon.  I am not even going to get started with the internet, My Space and You tube, that's whole different battle.

Now some of you may saying " Well she just doesn't want to take responsiblilty for looking out for her own kid."  That isn't it at all.  It's just how long can you go with be the strictest mom ever, the cheapest mom ever, or the meanest mom ever.  Mikaela was the last of her friends to wear makeup, the last to shave, and the only one without a $200 Coach purse( something I don't feel bad about at all because why would a 12 year old ever need a $200 purse!). 

I try everyday to make the right decisions so that she has the time to grown into the person that I know she can and should be. 

I just wish that society would stop trying so hard to expose kids to everything that could happen and try harder at letting our kids be kids again, I mean what would it really hurt all of us turned out pretty ok.

Way too soon!!!!  SLOW DOWN!!!

 Julie

Sleep.....perchance to Dream

Yesterday Hannah only took a 15 minute nap during the day, then fell asleep at 6:30pm, woke up at 11:30pm, fell back asleep at 5:00 am this morning, and was up for the day at 8:00 am ( I was up with Mikaela at 7:00).  So keep in mind that I am writing this blog on 2 hours sleep.

So I thought about the quote from Hamlet and realized that dreaming is what I truly love about sleep.

Wonderful peaceful dreams of what my daughters will one become.

Wonderful fantastical dreams about things that could one day be.

Wonderful, vibrant dreams of the person I am not yet but want and pray I will some day be.

Dreaming isn't just fantasy of the mind but also a subconscious roadmap of how dreams can be achieved.

Dreams let our children believe and know that one day they can be king.  Dreams help our relationships flourish into the realities a dream can make them.

Sleep perchance to dream.............sounds wonderful!!!

Julie

Homework!!!!

So I have come up with a few realizations, through both mine and Mikaela's eyes, about the concept of homework and thought I would share them.

1. I am fairly certain after 8 years of school that homework is really designed to see whether or not parents pay attention to their kids. It has very little with increasing their education and more as a litmus test to see how much a parent will prude, push, and actually do for a child when it comes to homework.

2. The answer to the "Do you have any homework?" Is ALWAYS no and there is no reason for you to ask the question because you already know the answer.

3. When it comes to big projects (science, term papers, etc.) No matter what your child says they have had at least a months notice, they have always known the exact date that the project was due, and yes the teacher did answer whatever insane question they had.

4. When it comes to homework it will always take longer if the TV, radio, computer or any other electronic is on...no matter how much your child insists that they can't study in all quiet.

5. The answer to the question on homework is always what your child says and never what the teacher explains. Even if the teacher's explanation makes absolute sense it is always easier to say “Ok I see that you're right, but let's do it the way the teacher is saying to just for the grade." It will save countless arguments.

6. Your child's homework is always way harder than anything you had in school and they have way more homework than you ever did (which is actually true to some extent.) So never try to compare the two.

7. When it comes to missing homework be aware that it's not your child's fault ever because "they didn't know about it, the teacher lost it, they thought it was due another day, or some other logical perfectly understandable reason."

Finally having had to deal with homework for a few years now, enduring countless 2 am science projects, seeing innumerable progress reports that state missing homework as reason for poor grades and world class blow out arguments about how to reduce fractions......I would just like to say  "I'M SORRY!!!"  to my parents, teachers, and anyone else that was affected by homework.

Julie 

My Girls'

My precious girls,

Each one has changed my life in ways that I never thought would be possible.

My Beautiful Mikaela. My wonderful little Mika Monkey.

At 21 had no idea what this amazing little girl would do to my life. At first there was so much fear, but the moment I held you in my arms there was nothing but joy and love and anticipation of the person you would be.

I have often told people that Mikaela is my "proof". She is my proof that God really does love me and that no matter how bad things might seem he sent me an angel to help guide me through.

She has been my best and at times my only truest friend. She is everything as a kid that I never had the confidence to be. I don't think she realizes that she truly is my universe and that the love that I feel for her is bigger than anything I have ever felt. As I sit back and watch the beautiful brave young woman that she is, I pray everyday that with the strength and love that I have given her all her dreams will come true....even the wild and crazy ones!

Hannah...my wonderful little bear.

Each day I am amazed by how much joy you bring to my life.

Just one hug or kiss from you can brighten up my day.

Two days after moving to Houston we found out that we were having you and there was so much elation! I was so excited to have you.

I hope that God gives you all the rewards deserve and answers all your prayers.

I am so excited everyday to see the little person that you are becoming.

I thank God that he has sent me you and allowed me to be there in your little life.

Thank you God for my babies!!

Your love has gotten me through so many horrible times in my life and each day I am reminded of your love for me when I look at the two amazing angels you sent down from heaven to call my children!!

Julie

It Begins

So I am starting this blog in an attempt to keep everyone up to date on our daily activities as well as give me a chance to vent, elate, celebrate, cry or express any other emotional breakdown or rise up that I have.

Jeremy and I will have our 4 year anniversary of our first date on Halloween. It's crazy the amount of things that have happened over the past four years.....

I left my job and life of 10 years at Scooters. I know that most people agree that leaving that place was long overdo but it was still a big loss for me. I had put my blood, sweat, tears and my soul into building those places into successful profitable business and they were. I sacrificed so much for those bars and as I am spending time each day with Hannah, I realize more and more exactly how much of Mikaela's life I missed out on because I was working so hard. I know that because I worked so hard Mikaela went to private schools and attended a well established dance studio but seeing Hannah do those little things makes me really sad sometimes. I know that given my situation I would have never stayed at home with her and I would have always missed something but knowing how Scooters was like another child that took me away from her makes me sad that I just walked away from it never to know what would become of it. Ok that is enough of that.

What else has changed in the past four years. WE GOT MARRIED!!!! After 10 years in a completely loveless, emotionless relationship I found my true soul mate on October 31, 2005. He understands and puts up with my insecurities, he loves me even when I'm not being very loving, and he will never ever make me feel like less than I am. I feel like I waited my entire life for him to find me and that all the people that I met along the way or things that happened to me were God giving me reminders for when I met him of how lucky I really am to have him. I worry every now and then that everything moved so fast between us that he never really had the chance to the chaos that is my life but then he tells me he loves me and that everyday he is happier that we are married. In the 3 short years that we've been married we've been tested so much; Mikaela ( she could test the strongest of marriages), a miscarriage, Hannah, and another lost baby....plus moving twice, changing jobs and buying a home it's a miracle at times that one of us hasn't watched a crime show and gotten an idea of what to do next.

NEXT....we moved, a couple of times. First to DC, the regrouping period. I really just needed an escape from my life in Dallas. Out of all 6 of us I was last that I thought would end up back with my parents but there I was at 30 with a 9 year old and fiance knocking at my parents door. It was time we needed though to establish our family. We got married, Mikaela got to really know my folks and we made life long friends....so a good move. But then the reality of DC cost of living kicked in so we moved, again. Off to Houston we went. Jeremy got back into teaching, his music, and really being himself. I think that when we were in Virginia he just put so much of himself to the back bunner so I could grow, Houston really made him comfortable again. We bought a beautiful big home and Mikaela made wonderful friends.

FINALLY....WE HAD HANNAHBEAR. Having worked in order to live most of Mikaela's life I had almost forgotten the indescribale joy that comes from the unconditional love of a baby. When I had Mikaela I was alone, so I put every ounce of love inside me into loving her. I never knew the joy of having someone want to love your baby that much too. Having a baby with the man I love is exactly how it's supposed to be. I am lucky that we live in an area of the country that is cheap and I am able to stay at home with her. She amazes everyday with how much she learns and grows. Being here to hear about the daily dramas of a 7th grader has been amazing too.

Okay so that's the last four years, looking towards the next forty all I see is cake :)